After five exciting days of the International Mediation Leaders Programme, the first of Sage’s Aranda Series has left me much to mull over. In an increasing complicated world that is rife with conflict, where are the peacemakers? I found them gathered here, standing before me and alongside me to learn, reflect and recharge before they once again went forth to continue their peacemaking work in various parts of the world.
The most memorable experience for me was our second module titled “Moving from Entrenched Distrust to Authentic Reconciliation” led by Mr Viswa Sadasivan. In the summary exercise, we conducted a mediation role-play where I was a party and participants played the role of co-mediators, the other party and legal counsels. It was an enriching exercise as the role play was observed and reviewed, with the sharing of experiences and learning from each other how we could better handle mediations involving difficult emotions. At a crucial and rather emotional point in the mediation, silence was an extremely powerful tool the mediators used to encourage me to speak up, as they waited patiently to hear how I truly felt about the matter.
After the exercise, some of the participants privately commended me:
“You’re very good at acting!”
“Thank you and good job for making it look so realistic.”
But, I think it is time to let the cat out of the bag.
The emotions I portrayed were real.
As I was crafting this particular role play together with Mr Viswa, I sought to portray a person who wanted to reveal no weaknesses in her legal case, but who was in fact asking the mediators for help to resolve the personal conflict she had with the other party. In addition, I had intentionally weaved into my own character traits and emotions which were reflections of my own hurts and insecurities from a distant past. Because those emotions were real to me, I had the privilege to experience first-hand the talent and mastery of the mediators (Mr Amarjit Singh Chandhiok and Mrs Chia Swee Tin) to actively listen, empathise and thereafter bring the parties closer to reconciliation.
Whether we wish to admit it or not, emotions affect our thoughts and decisions. In my own over-simplification, mediation addresses this fundamental question– decide for yourself what it means to be happy: Is it a long-awaited closure that would allow one to sleep peacefully at night? Or is it the restoration of a once broken relationship, which is worth more than money could ever buy?
As Mr Viswa emphasised, such considerations have no place in the binary process of arbitration or litigation. Unlike the arbitrator and judge, the mediator has the power to provide the hope of an amicable solution, taking into consideration such emotions and allowing parties to reach an authentic reconciliation instead of an unsatisfactory compromise. Mediation provides that safe space for parties to negotiate for true peace instead of concluding yet another battle in a seemingly unending war.
Mediation serves to provide parties with this hope. Sage exists to provide this hope.
– Samantha
